The Light at the End of the Platitude

I’ve pulled myself up from the tailspin I have experienced the last 2 weeks, thankfully. Nothing is darker than being fully aware that you are the cause of 90% of your problems and still feeling powerless to stop. Being fully aware of binge eating, time wasting, procrastination, and still not stopping it is a powerfully demotivating paradigm. When I’m in that headspace, it causes the problems to snowball – feeling bad about eating badly and not accomplishing anything exacerbates depression for me. From there, it becomes an endless cycle, self-perpetuating and stifling.

I am aware, having dealt with mental health issues my entire life that this light isn’t a door to “100% Better Land”. I know that place likely doesn’t exist, but feeling better in increments and doing better in steps is positive AND grounded in reality. I embrace these incremental steps with gusto:

“I exercised 3 of the 7 days this week!”

“We went for a long walk instead of binge-watching ER!”

“No thanks, I’ll have a normal human sized portion of gravy!”

Sometimes success is measured in ladles, or lack thereof.


Bridges make good metaphors for progress.


Figuring Out What Works (for You)


In my times of most productivity and progress, I had a gym membership. I pulled myself from bed at 5, got dressed and walked the dog, and then got to the gym 5ish days a week by 5:30. Typically I was there for around an hour, sometimes longer, and I was in good shape.

Now I have a handful of dumbbells and a balance ball at home. That’s it – no other workout materials to speak of, save my own cumbersome bodyweight. I can run, which is good, and we DO have an exercise bike, I forgot about that. What I really feel would help my efforts, however, would be a gym membership and




The local YMCA is reasonably close to our house but I’d never considered using it as a gym (for some reason). It has all the things I’d want in a gym – reasonable proximity to our house, weights, opens at 5 am, no stuffed animals lying in the free weights area (probably). We are going tomorrow (Tuesday, March 6th) to set up the membership and I will be dragging my happy ass there from this point forward. I couldn’t be happier, ass and all.

There are 5 weeks left on this challenge I’m on, and 4 left for this office Biggest Loser thing I’m doing, but I likely won’t win either by a wide margin. I was a slow starter this year, after 2017 was the year that mental health issues ruined me. I’m here now, though – challenges are a nice side motivator and a fun thing to partake in, and I’ve found a good community. I’m glad for all that, and runs 4 contests a year, so I should be on my grind right when the next one starts. I’ll destroy that one, but for now I recognize that motivation has to come from within.

I did Healthywage a few years ago and it helped me hit my goals faster, and it helped my follow through a lot. There was real money on the line – $50/month over 6 months would be lost if I couldn’t lose the weight.

I can’t do Healthywage again, though, because of their rules, and that’s fine. I have the motivation in me to be better, like I did when I initially went from 450 to 250. It’s me that’s standing in my way, and I could kick my own ass any day of the week.

I kicked your ass once, I can do it again, nerd.
haha, got him.



Good stuff: 6 days of keto, straight, with a definite caloric deficit each day. In addition, though I binged on Sunday, I lost 6 pounds last week. Exercise was sparse, but I also hit my step goal every day.

Bad stuff:  Not much exercise, still binged on Sunday. Outside of this whole diet tracking crap, I didn’t accomplish much professionally, either. I have 2 books that are in limbo and a charity project I am working on, and they all circled the corral last week.

Stuff to do for week 8:  Bring all this disharmony together into a cohesive plan of at least not impeding my progress.

Calories for week 7: I ran under 1,600 a day Monday-Thursday. Friday and Saturday I ate over target but still keto. Sunday I didn’t track but it was a binge, so I would guess around 3500  Target calories: 11,550 – 14,900 = 3,350 over. Not bad, comparatively.
Exercise for week 7: Thursday 30 minutes of Pilates, otherwise zip.
Steps for week 7: 52,666/7 = 7,523 Target steps: 45,500, so we did ok this week. I want to hit 10,000 a day, but it’s going to take some more cardio, I believe.

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