The Light at the End of the Platitude
I’ve pulled myself up from the tailspin I have experienced the last 2 weeks, thankfully. Nothing is darker than being fully aware that you are the cause of 90% of your problems and still feeling powerless to stop. Being fully aware of binge eating, time wasting, procrastination, and still not stopping it is a powerfully demotivating paradigm. When I’m in that headspace, it causes the problems to snowball – feeling bad about eating badly and not accomplishing anything exacerbates depression for me. From there, it becomes an endless cycle, self-perpetuating and stifling.
I am aware, having dealt with mental health issues my entire life that this light isn’t a door to “100% Better Land”. I know that place likely doesn’t exist, but feeling better in increments and doing better in steps is positive AND grounded in reality. I embrace these incremental steps with gusto:
“I exercised 3 of the 7 days this week!”
“We went for a long walk instead of binge-watching ER!”
“No thanks, I’ll have a normal human sized portion of gravy!”
Sometimes success is measured in ladles, or lack thereof.
Figuring Out What Works (for You)
In my times of most productivity and progress, I had a gym membership. I pulled myself from bed at 5, got dressed and walked the dog, and then got to the gym 5ish days a week by 5:30. Typically I was there for around an hour, sometimes longer, and I was in good shape.
Now I have a handful of dumbbells and a balance ball at home. That’s it – no other workout materials to speak of, save my own cumbersome bodyweight. I can run, which is good, and we DO have an exercise bike, I forgot about that. What I really feel would help my efforts, however, would be a gym membership and
OMG MY WIFE GOT US A GYM MEMBERSHIP
The local YMCA is reasonably close to our house but I’d never considered using it as a gym (for some reason). It has all the things I’d want in a gym – reasonable proximity to our house, weights, opens at 5 am, no stuffed animals lying in the free weights area (probably). We are going tomorrow (Tuesday, March 6th) to set up the membership and I will be dragging my happy ass there from this point forward. I couldn’t be happier, ass and all.
There are 5 weeks left on this challenge I’m on, and 4 left for this office Biggest Loser thing I’m doing, but I likely won’t win either by a wide margin. I was a slow starter this year, after 2017 was the year that mental health issues ruined me. I’m here now, though – challenges are a nice side motivator and a fun thing to partake in, and I’ve found a good community. I’m glad for all that, and Bodybuilding.com runs 4 contests a year, so I should be on my grind right when the next one starts. I’ll destroy that one, but for now I recognize that motivation has to come from within.
I did Healthywage a few years ago and it helped me hit my goals faster, and it helped my follow through a lot. There was real money on the line – $50/month over 6 months would be lost if I couldn’t lose the weight.
I can’t do Healthywage again, though, because of their rules, and that’s fine. I have the motivation in me to be better, like I did when I initially went from 450 to 250. It’s me that’s standing in my way, and I could kick my own ass any day of the week.
Good stuff: 6 days of keto, straight, with a definite caloric deficit each day. In addition, though I binged on Sunday, I lost 6 pounds last week. Exercise was sparse, but I also hit my step goal every day.
Bad stuff: Not much exercise, still binged on Sunday. Outside of this whole diet tracking crap, I didn’t accomplish much professionally, either. I have 2 books that are in limbo and a charity project I am working on, and they all circled the corral last week.
Stuff to do for week 8: Bring all this disharmony together into a cohesive plan of at least not impeding my progress.
Calories for week 7: I ran under 1,600 a day Monday-Thursday. Friday and Saturday I ate over target but still keto. Sunday I didn’t track but it was a binge, so I would guess around 3500 Target calories: 11,550 – 14,900 = 3,350 over. Not bad, comparatively.
Exercise for week 7: Thursday 30 minutes of Pilates, otherwise zip.
Steps for week 7: 52,666/7 = 7,523 Target steps: 45,500, so we did ok this week. I want to hit 10,000 a day, but it’s going to take some more cardio, I believe.